The Outsiders

This is one of my favorite pieces of literature. I first found out about it in 8th grade when we had to read it for school. I could really relate to this book because I always felt like an outsider in school and in life. The characters in this book were so easy to fall in love with. You automatically were able to feel what they were feeling, and really feel like you knew them. I fell in love with the movie as well, and its one of my favorite movies. I love the director of the movie and he was one of my inspirations to become a movie maker. One of my favorite parts of the movie and book was when Pony Boy reads the poem, “Nothing Gold Can Stay,” by Robert Frost. This is one of my favorite poems and the way it was read in the movie was truly breath taking. The sunset in the background and the colors in the sky. Its definitely a beautiful scene. This book will forever be one of my favorites.

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Poetry

I wrote this poem because of the song, Dollhouse, by Melanie Martinez. The song talks about how people look so perfect from the outside but when you look deeper there are so many problems, and things that they’re hiding. It also talks about parents using drugs and thats where I got the idea for this poem. So many kids grow up with parents that do drugs, and it needs to stop. It’s sad, and we don’t realize how much it happens. But anyways I hope you enjoy this poem.

Mommy daddy look what I made.

Young and naive I said with a smile on my face.

Not knowing they had just shot up,

drugs running through their veins.

Daddy wake up!

Mommy mommy what did you do?

Call someone quick,

bye bye daddy I’ll miss you.

Growing up I realized what he was.

Alcoholic, drug fanatic, stupid, and dumb.

Yes, I miss him but he did it to himself.

Now mommys not good she beats herself up.

She never stopped using.

She faded away.

Alcohol took over, and I was left with the feeling of hate.

I raised myself with no help at all.

While mommy got drunk and wasted away.

I can’t imagine a world without drugs.

They’ve always been a part of my life.

I grew up with them, and they won my parents fight.

Will I be stronger?

Stronger than them?

I don’t want to use drugs but I’m caving in.

Will I waste my life getting high?

I mean thats all I know, and its blurring my sight.

Now I’m truly afraid.

What comes after this.

I wish mommy and daddy were here to help me

I’m afraid of this shit.

Then I look back.

I don’t want to be anything like them.

Drugs will not win this fight.

I will not cave in.

Hide and Seak

Fiction is one of my favorite things to write. I love making up stories and creating the visuals in my head. I wrote this story about a girl that was brave enough to walk into this dark hallway, and find something truly frightening. She ends up saving a girls life, and capturing an evil man. This is an excerpt from the story.

“This is where he tortures his victims.” She pointed towards the door, and I followed her out of the horrendous room. She seemed to be very familiar with the area like she knew where she was going from here. As we ran for what seemed like forever we finally got back to the room we started in. As we came back to the room we stopped in the center not knowing what to do. “Well he went down that tunnel when he was going to leave earlier. So the exit has to be down that tunnel somewhere,” I told her and pointed down the tunnel he went through. Hearing his voice creep through the tunnels we ran silently down the dark tunnel. We came to a big room like the one we had just been in. There were only two ways to go but which should we take. His voice was becoming louder, and louder. Pointing my flash light down one of the ends I saw a trail of footprints on the ground, and it looked like this side was more traveled on. I ran that direction and hoped it was the way out. Coming to a dead end I ran my fingers against the wall looking for something that could move and open a door. The footprints just disappeared.”

Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense

“Im not fighting for whats infant of me, Im fighting for what I left behind.”

I’ve had family that has fought in wars. I haven’t lost anyone to war but I try not to get attached to people that are going into war because I know that someday they will leave and never come back. I know I won’t be able to live with that, and thats why I stay away from it all. Then I met someone. Toby. I never thought I could like someone like this, and honestly sometimes I wish I could stop liking him because I know one day there will be horrible news. News that I won’t be able to handle or to read. News that I won’t be able to live with. He is so passionate about becoming a Marine. He’s talked to me about it multiple times, and he told me that Marines have the highest death rate. The type of Marine he wants to become to my understanding is like a front man. The people in all the shit, and the people that shoot guns at other people right up front. These type of Marines specifically have the highest death rate of them all. Thinking about it all makes me extremely sad and nervous. I hate to think that someday he will die, and that I won’t be able to see him or say goodbye. That kills me inside, and is really hard for me. Ive lost so many loved ones, and I don’t want to loose anymore than I have to. I wish I could change his mind but theres no turning back now. He is so headstrong about it, and I can’t do anything to stop him. This video showed me why people do this with their lives, and what they go through on a day to day basis. People take things for granted in life. We complain about the little things when there are people willing to die and go to battle knowing all the risks that come from it. There are people willing to fight for what they love. I know I take things for granted, and sometimes its hard not to because it just happens but hearing this guy speak really opened my eyes. I mean these soldiers are so passionate for what they do. They are so driven to stay alive, and they are there to stay alive. Thats their main goal. They are fighting for human rights, and Im so grateful for that. I know why he wants to go into this field and do this with his life but god.. I wish there were a way to make sure that nothing bad would happen to him. A way to make sure that he will come back normal, and live a long life. A way to know that nothing bad will ever happen to him. A way for me to know that everything will be ok.. but theres not. Theres no way of knowing what could happen, and that truly scares the living shit out of me. We were sitting in my car one night and he looked at me and told me, “One day Ill be back. Ill be wearing my dressed blues, and you will be in the prettiest sundress. We will walk down the street smiling, and everything will turn out ok.” I will never forget that, and it scared me at first when he said it but I hope he’s right. I hope that one day we will walk down that street, and everything will be ok. Nothing bad will happen. But I don’t know what the future holds, and he doesn’t either. No one does, and thats a lot to process and think about. Im afraid to go on because of what could happen. Im scared that one day he will never come back. I tear up just talking about it. I know that what he’s doing with his life makes him happy, and in the end thats all that matters but I just don’t know. I told myself Id never get involved with someone like this. I guess its too late to turn back. I have to keep moving forward. Wether we are together or not I will still care for him, and he still means a lot to me. Im just in a hard position, and I wish I could tell the future.

OOTD

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This outfit is one of my favorite outfits to wear. I feel so badass when I wear it. It’s definitely very punk and grunge looking. I wear it to a lot of shows because I always feel hot wearing it. Lol. The shirt is a band shirt of one of my favorite bands called, Brand New. They are an amazing band. The shirt has the album cover of my favorite album by them called, The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me. The picture is so creepy, and I love it. It’s for sure the outfit you want to wear when you are wanting to look punk.

High waisted shorts – made them out of old jeans

Shirt – Hottopic

Combat Boots – Kohls

Tights – Forever21

Flannel – Target

This is Water

This video was pretty good. It talks about day to day experiences as an adult. As an adult we usually think about us only. People are always in our way. We are the center of the world. We don’t think about what others might be going through or how good we have it. We just think about the negatives, and how everything is annoying or hurting us. Sitting in traffic, waiting in line at the grocery store, running into people, these are all things that probably make you mad. I know they make me mad or frustrated, and I have definitely thought this way. I usually think ugh why me? Why do I get stuck behind all the slow people? Why do I get run into. Why are people always in my way? I am definitely one to look at the negatives in life. It’s the default way of thinking. It just comes so easily to me that I don’t even second guess it. If we could change our thinking, we would be much better off. If we look at all the people and wonder what they may be going through it will change how we see things. People could be going through a lot worse shit than you, and we don’t realize how well off we are. We take things for granted. If we look at the positives, and don’t just think of us being the center of the world we could make our minds a much happier place. Dont be so self centered. Change the way you think. I know I am going to try and change the way I look at things because I think it’ll make me appreciate life more. Hopefully you can do the same!

The Mannequin

At my school we had an art show. This was my favorite piece in the art show because I’m actually in it. Thats not the only reason I love it though. It’s unique and creepy which are two things I love. My friend Lauren took it for her portfolio in her art class. The theme of her portfolio was face blindness. Face blindness is  is a cognitive disorder of face perception where the ability to recognize faces is impaired, while other aspects of visual processing and intellectual functioning remain intact. She chose this topic because it’s extremely interesting and rare. At first I was confused on what it was but I now understand a little bit more. This photograph shows a mannequin being broken down to the raw parts of it. It shows how someone with face blindness would not notice someone walking by that they know until they come up and say something to them. Then they would recognize that person. This picture was a lot of fun to make. The white paint took forever to put on and kept getting hard and cracking. It was well worth it though. The picture is actually touring right now and being hung up in different places around the U.S. It’s supposed to be in the airport near year and I can’t wait to go and see it. Lauren’s mom had brain cancer so we took one of her wigs and put it on one of the heads to make it look like it was breaking the mannequin. We decided that I should wear black lipstick to make it look creepier and add a little something different. We were lucky that my hair color kind of matched the wigs color. I was actually standing on the stairs and put my head up so it looked like my head was just sitting there. But I think the picture turned out great, and I even have it hanging in my room because I love it so much.

When I first show people the picture they look at it a little confused and say thats really creepy. Then I tell them Im in it, and they freak out. They always say oh my god thats you? Holy shit thats so weird and creepy! But I love it so thats all that matters!

Photography is one of my favorite things to look at and to do. A thousand words could be in one picture and it blows my mind overtime I look at a cool picture. Capturing the still moment is amazing. I take pictures to remember the good times and to see how beautiful life it. You can say anything with one photo. Ive always loved photography and people say I have the eye of a photographer. I actually started taking pictures for local bands at shows this year. It would be amazing if I got to make that my job someday. I’ve taken some photography clinics but I’ve never actually taken a photography class. I wish I would have because I love it so much but oh well I guess. I still love doing it for fun and will not stop doing it any time soon.